lock it up

when the number of hours of sleep over a 3 day period are less than the number of shots you've taken. reassess. and by reassess i mean, know that your life is awesome. my life was officially declared awesome this weekend.

since i was out and about in various venues of new york city ranging from black tie events at gotham hall to dive bars to trendy clubs, i took in a lot of, shall we say, mating rituals. i'm pretty much an expert at this point. so, being that i'm basically certified to judge people i'd like to comment:

Girls - get dressed, sober up, and lock it up!

christ, i can't count how many times i saw a 20 something chick pouring vodka tonic "with a splash of cran" all over the front of her off-the-rack bloomies mini-dress while simultaneously pouring herself into the arms of some hairy chested tattooed metrosexual's arms (ed. note: dudes, the metro-era is over - button up the shirt. on second thought, burn the shirt.)

i mean, i'd rather gnaw my own pinky finger off than wake up in the arms of one of these jokers. what's worse is, underneath layers of blue eye shadow, these ladies are pretty cute. ok, so i'm being a bit stereotypical. some of them were wearing lavender shadow.

in nyc, you always run into one or two of these chicks in a night. usually you find out later, shockingly, they're from jerz. and you know they're looking for a place to crash that night, whatever it takes. and i respect that. i live in narnia so the thought has crossed my mind before - but usually i realize the cost of a $50 cab ride is significantly less than the medical bills i'll incur while being treated for the clap...

and i mean, guys, you're really just as bad. as much as you say you hate that girl who's wasted and falling all over you - do you not find yourself doing the stride of pride at 7am the next morning? (and, let's be honest, you really didn't get any last night b/c she either passed out or vomited all night), but maybe it's just cool for you b/c getting laid (or saying you got laid?) is more important than who it's with...

i don't know how this turned into a sex-nazi post. i really just meant to bitch about girls cause i pretty much hate 95% of my gender.

i guess i'm no expert after all.

go out, get crushed, and have all the sex you want. even if you end up with a kid you don't want, odds are brad and angie will buy it off you.