that can only mean one thing -- it's oscar time!
8:01 can we start every oscar red carpet with kate winslet in ysl?
8:02 i can't ever look at diane lane without thinking about her taking it up the butt in the stairwell in unfaithful
8:04 sjp just introduced america to "matthew broderick". first awk moment of the night. also, why are they here??? anyone? bueller...?
8:09 valentinosaywha??
8:10 'dear slumdog kids, we're not going to pay you more than 11 cents a week to star in our movie, but we'll throw down for your rented tuxes.' ps NOBODY PUTS FREIDA PINTO IN THE BACK ROW!!
8:12 zac efron and vanessa hudgens = sjp and mattbrod part deux. if the jonas bros show up, sohelpmegod.
8:16 anne hath. on board w/ the armani. sending rachel zoe a quick thank you for that dress choice.
best dressed vote check in: tie btw anne hathaway and amy adams
8:23 marisa tomei: magic records and a baboon heart. (holla atcha m&t!)
8:27 wtf is this shit about the theatre?? who cares about the history of the oscars? a bunch of jewish men got together and decided to jerk each other off. end of story. i HATE when they pull this crap. MORE TIM GUNN!
THE SHOW
8:30 the stage looks like the laser background i had for my 3rd grade class picture.
8:33 here's where things get awkward. live-action movie montages. especially since the quality looks like my 3rd grade (big year for me) diorama of my town...
8:34 cheap "pubic hair" joke. -50
8:36 anne hathaway hitting that note +50
8:42 this pack of estrogen reminds me of the scene in minority report when the precogs freak out.
8:45 whoopi goldberg:
- sister act jokes NEVER get old
- tit tat
- not apologizing for killing off the world's cheetah population for that tarp you're passing off as a dress
- the only person who can upstage tilda swinton
8:55 love this script overlay. you've got me so far academy...
8:55 dustin lance black = jack mcbrayer?
9:02 am i the only one that thinks it's sad that a bunch of brits are getting all the credit for an indian film?
9:03 aniston's on stage -- where's the angelina shot? also did LC do jen's hair?
9:04 THEEEERE it is. the first (completelyfakeforcedyou'vegottobekiddingme) smile ang has cracked all night.
9:11 best sanku speech of the night
9:19 i feel so bad for the duo-acceptances. the second guy barely gets to thank god before he's rushed off the stage. and he somehow looks like the asshole.
9:24 there's not enough weed in the world to get me through all of these predictable visual arts awards.
9:26 vampire looks bored to be here. get over yourself. the second book sucked.
and now a word from our sponsors:
CLY: i shotgunned two sapporos in the street last night... CLASSY.BROAD.
9:32 philip seymour hoffman's in a doo rag?
9:33 hasidic meth lab. heh. tina fey wrote that one.
9:35 slumdog dp has flock of seagulls hair and a tiger in his pocket (or is that a mini whoopi goldberg?)...gotta have a schtick.
9:48 rage that sjp and jen aniston each had 40 mins of stage time but james franco got 12 secs and a german title to read?? unfair.com
9:52 second reference to sister act tonight. wtf is going on??
9:53 beyonce at the oscars?? am i drunk? (Jen Savage: you're high) anyone who knows me knows i bleed a kick-ball-chain'd, chorus line-filled falsetto-laden musical. but this is making my head spin, eyes bleed, and ears hurt.
10:01 text from my brother: jackman has officially taken his tony too far.
10:03 this award ceremony NEEDS MORE COWBELL! and less mullet madness, walken...
10:04 question is...what happens if it's not heath?? Savage: you can't beat a dead guy. too soon?
10:08 where's matilda??
10:11 angelina crying! bet it's b/c she doesn't own matilda...
10:15 werner herzog needs to be president of the world. at least vice 'bama.
10:17 Savage: the final inch - THATS WHAT SHE SAID
10:18 megan mylan is a poor man's kelly cutrone
10:27 someone needs to streak across the stage. this is boring as hell. and i'm sick of all these shots trying to make pitt look like juror #9 in 12 angry men.
10:36 where's MIA? slumdog is cleaning house. i need her to rap about it. being in labor is no excuse.
10:39 abc's "real motherhood" show totally stole postcards from yo mama! HORSESHIT.
10:40-10:44 savage explaining the difference btw jerry lewis and jerry lee lewis to me.
10:53 best score at 11pm is the worst thing for my heavy lids...
10:56 quote from jbels' live blog: Sadie: efron is looking like a seedy casey affleck. which is redundant.
11:12 this thing is going to be over at 6am. this is effing ridiculous. this is why i hate the oscars. why why why do i watch this every year??
11:19 reese confusing the fuck out of me in clear bra straps and a scarf dress.
11:27 loving this alum award group presentation. especially when it involves a smokin' halle.
11:30 sophia loren looking like the chick who got 47 surgeries to look as much like a cat as possible.
11:32 kate better make this speech count. get after it winslet! shampoo bottle speeches and whistles from dad. amazing. but i have to say...her hair looks like zach morris's during sbtb the college years...
11:37 one of these alums is not like the other: brody. i'm looking at you. and halle is sprinting away from you back stage. she has NOT forgotten.
11:40 christ. brody just got busted by the TSA backstage. Savage: hey brody, jesus called. he wants his look back
11:43 pattinson doing rails off of rourke's back
11:44 penn's hero shot. jack mcb lookalike crying in the background. mickey rourke FU'ing the academy. this speech already blows. ugh. get to best movie already for the love of jesus mary and holy st. joseph.
11:50 digging this thematic best picture montage. appreciate that this is the first actual intelligent thing i've seen all night.
11:53 slumdog just became the new titanic. in 6 mos everyone's going to be bitching about how terrible it was. but for now -- danny boyle is the shit. the kids are adorbs (eassssy ang...). freida is gorgeous. and this thing somehow wrapped before midnight.
overall score: C
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