Seven Things I Hate About...

i'm completely hungover today (pause for collective "par for the course..." from all 3 of you reading this), so i'm on the ornery side. i also just read this blog post by some random dude titled Seven Things that Need to Go Away Forever -- original.

I disagree with most of these things. anyone who hates texting and/or IM is no friend of mine. more importantly, he hates "struggles with drugs" stories. clearly he's never seen a single episode of Intervention -- there's no way you can see a hectic gay dude completely methed out and NOT enjoy yourself. so, since this kid has no idea what he's talking about, i'll take it from here with my top seven pet peeves:

7. kirsten dunst
why, why, why is she famous? let's go through a list of her life highlights: a pseudo friendship with sofia coppola, wimbledon, somehow making each spiderman movie worse, her monologue to missy in bring it on where she explains that "the shit" means "the best", and her adament refusal to take care of that fucking snaggle tooth. get her outta here.

6. top shop taking FOREVER to open in the states
get your acts together. commit. pick a date and commit. i mean -- march??! you're not even trying at this point.

5. LARPing
i wasn't going to do this because it makes me a loser for even knowing what it is (live action role playing, btw...yeah, sorry). but that makes me hate it even more. i dont get it. i really dont get any games that dont involve massive amounts of alcohol and/or drugs. what's the point unless you're gonna end up in a closet w/ some guy you've convinced yourself looks like a 1998 dean cain doppelganger (homeboy IS superman. that hair?? you don't have that hair)? maybe that is the point...just in medieval garb? ick. scene.

4. people who can't make a decision on an order when finally at the front of a hectically long line at a chain/fast food joint
you're at mcdonalds? get a burger. you're at starbucks? grande latte. done and done. this is particularly unacceptable at a coffee shop. if i'm waiting in line for 10 mins, i'm probably at the point of desperation/homicide. and if you're sitting there asking the barrista what "mocha" means, you should be shot and/or deported.

(I'm not even sure these are in order, but as i write them i'm getting exponentially more agro, so i guess it works. -Ed.)

3. reality TV fame
this is blatant jack of klosterman's essay, but it's worth repeating. i love reality tv, but being on the 15th season of real world/road rules challenge does not make you famous. does. not. i watch an unhealthy amount of mtv, and i really need for reality tv stars to stop being the hosts of shit. you're on the real world b/c you're black and/or gay and/or hate black gays. i don't need your thoughts on vampire weekend or for you to idiotically interview p!nk on the latest bow wow video. it's actually, physically painful for me to watch you embarrass yourself like that. take the $10k you won on gauntlet, buy yourself a 2001 jetta, and disappear into the midwest somewhere. and for the love of christ take spencer pratt with you.

2. calories
this is mainly because i don't get them. they're a unit of heat? fuck you.

1. backpacks
mainly the mini ones, ESPECIALLY if they're prada/gucci, some kind of super expensive brand that shows that you have no class and/or taste. but really, as my work-wife, mona, brilliantly begs, "do you REALLY need a mini backpack??" are they for mini books? toddlers? a lotta useless, i say.