who's cultured? you's cultured?

i'm awful at new york city. the idea of it -- i mean, terrible. the whole city revolves around being "cultured" which is really just being as pretentious as possible. and i love being better than everyone, trust me. but with witticisms and obscure pop culture references. so i hate that every conversation in the city revolves around which restaurants you've been to and how you like your wine and how many oscar wilde references you can throw down over your fillet.

well, i can't use chop sticks. i'm more of a hemingway fan. i drink pinot (noir, grigio, whatever) because i like saying the word "pinot" not because i can really taste the difference between most wines. and i've probably eaten at a total of 6 restaurants in the city -- 2 were pizza places, 3 were dunkin donuts', and the other was the tasti-d on spring.

so i'm thinking i should probably move somewhere else. somewhere i can dominate in a matter of days. where i come in like kevin bacon in footloose, cause a lil stir, spice-up the minister's daughter, and dance all over the town.

someplace where the beer flows like wine. where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of capistrano.

i'm talking about a little place called....aspen.